Why Self-Aware Midlife Women Still End Up in Unhealthy Relationships
Steffi Seefeld
Trauma-informed coach, Somatic therapist
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If you’re a midlife woman who’s strong, capable, and self-aware and yet your relationship feels confusing, draining, or emotionally unsafe, this conversation is for you.
When Everything Looks Fine on the Outside, But Love Feels Hard
Many midlife women describe the same quiet disconnect: they’re crushing it at work, managing families and responsibilities, and doing all the “right” things… but in their relationship, they feel like they’re walking on eggshells. Editing themselves. Holding their breath. Wondering why love feels harder than it should.
In this episode, I’m joined by Steffi Seefeld, a trauma-informed coach and somatic therapist who works with high-achieving, deeply empathetic women who have learned (often unconsciously) to abandon themselves in order to keep connection.
Together, we explore why even self-aware women still end up in unhealthy relationships, and why insight alone isn’t enough to break the cycle.
How Childhood Conditioning Shapes Adult Relationships
We talk about how early childhood experiences with emotionally unavailable caregivers can wire the nervous system to associate love with self-suppression. How people-pleasing isn’t a personality flaw, but a survival strategy learned early in life. And why so many women in midlife suddenly feel the weight of these patterns more intensely, especially as their tolerance for self-abandonment wears thin.
Why People-Pleasing Shows Up at Work Too
We also talk about how these dynamics show up beyond romantic relationships, particularly for high-achieving women and female leaders. Over-functioning, guilt, and people-pleasing at work often mirror what’s happening in love. And learning to trust yourself again ripples into every area of life.
In this episode, we explore:
• Why self-aware women still end up in unhealthy relationships
• How people-pleasing and self-abandonment develop as survival strategies
• The role childhood emotional conditioning plays in adult relationship patterns
• Why insight alone doesn’t create lasting change
• How the nervous system keeps us attached to familiar but unsafe dynamics
• Signs you may be dimming your light or editing yourself to keep the peace
• How these patterns show up at work for high-achieving women
• What it really means to rebuild self-trust in midlife
• Why healing in community can accelerate growth and clarity
Episode Highlights:
00:00 Understanding Emotional Safety in Relationships
02:58 Childhood Experiences and Their Impact
08:10 Understanding Narcissism & Wounded Empaths
10:37 Sibling Dynamics
13:01 Learning Self-Awareness
20:37 The Importance of Nervous System Regulation
26:30 Key Takeaways
About Steffi Seefeld:
Steffi Seefeld is a trauma-informed coach and somatic therapist who helps high-achieving and highly empathetic women rebuild self-trust after relationships where they learned to abandon themselves.
After years of appearing strong and successful while quietly walking on eggshells in her abusive relationship, Steffi experienced a full nervous-system crash that changed the way she understood love, safety, and healing.
She’s trained in trauma-informed and somatic approaches and brings a unique blend of emotional depth and grounded clarity from her background in meditation and business consulting.
Today, Steffi works with women in midlife who feel in their body something needs to change in their relationship— but still feel lonely and scared — helping them move from survival into self-trust, safety, and joy again.
Book a Discovery Call w/Steffi | 3-Min Nervous System Reset | @thesteffiseefeld
🎧 Other Episodes You Might Enjoy:
Midlife Relationships: You’re Evolving. He’s Not. Now What?
Are You Sabotaging Your Own Joy? How to Stop Holding Yourself Back in Midlife
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Disclaimer:
Belong Wellness and its members, managers, employees, contractors, and other agents or representatives are not licensed medical care providers and do not provide medical services or advice, including without limitation diagnosing, examining, preventing, treating, or curing any medical conditions. The information shared in this podcast is meant to be educational, not prescriptive. Please consult your medical doctor before making any changes to your diet or lifestyle. Further, the opinions of guests on this show do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Jessica or anyone affiliated with Belong Wellness.
